A Future In A Lack Of Forgetting :: April 04, 2004 :: 1:03 pm ::

The sun, he was a masterpiece
Handing down to us his rays of light
As the clouds played with his emotions
Leting him peek out from being them
Rarely, seldomly
And then for bright moments
Shining on the faces of people
Glaring into our eyes
But we must just smile
And I laugh when you slowly end up behind a shadow
Hiding from the sun
Does he scare you?
Or are you afraid you'll love him too much?
Are you a man of the moon?
Like the moon is my mother
She is the same to you
And I want to hold you
Under a moonlit glow
Simply there and nothing more
Strings attatched
But a guilt invisible
And we cannot feel it
Because they tell us we do not deserve it
But I feel like I deserve it
And I feel like I should not be here
Slow destruction
It creeps upon me and wraps me up warm
Like a cocoon.
And you will lose sight of me
And you will not see me again
And you will never know
Where I have gone
And I will escape your caring and your questions
Crying into the fabric surrounding me
I cannot get free
To be bold
Sweet bliss.

Cleanse :: January 03, 2004 :: 4:51 pm ::

When I see the world of pain outside my window
I'm isolated further
Dropped down closer
To the bottom of the well
You think that the life of pain is the end of the line
But a life past the pain
A life without feeling
Maybe that is rock bottom
And there's nothing new to see down here,
I just want to be a musical artist
With words that come first
And the notes that come afterward
Gambling with my emotions
Faking them to make them seem real
But only a couple are true
And those... My, the makers should be proud
The lifter of spirits and the maker of laughter
Real laughter, not that bottled stuff
I'm spitting out those lies
They'll never touch my lips again
But now that they're gone,
I've got nothing left.

Blood and Bone :: December 31, 2003 :: 11:39 pm ::

If I could switch the letters in your name
Make a creativity all my own
Open up a new door, turn a page
And sigh in the bliss that new light brings...
I would paint a hundred pictures
Paintings blasted out of stone
Shrieks of mourning singing
The sound of my indifference
Glancing at the images of a long forgotten past...
Or is this of a past that never once did occur?
That the memories and hopes I see
Are yours, not mine
Held within your heart
Close to your chest
Beating a pulsating with the life of a car crash
Infinate and boiling as the car topples
Metal wrenching into itself
It has achieved enlightenment.
The tea leaves tell you what your baby's done
Crept out at night
The dogs were sleeping
And it still insists on creeping
Up your leg, down your spine.
Do you know a friend of mine?
A man I know with a plan for distruction,
Liberation from the free world
The free world of free chains
Binding us to it with rationality
It's the evening of the dark radiation
Sizzling through your skin
Showing you the blood and bone beneath
This can't be true.
You can't be real.

A Story Not To Be Read :: December 11, 2003 :: 10:32 pm ::

Walk out onto the balcony,
Take a moment, breathe it in.
Calm the storms of afternoon,
And in gasping breaths tug the string and cry,
Nothing. Sweet nothings.
The nights of a thousand truths,
Between me and you
Casting light on what we thought to be
A dark tomorrow
Singing of hope,
But looking of sorrow
It's my wind in your hair,
My fingers plucking the strings of the lute
Gently clapping out a tune
So sweet and beautiful
Madenning in it's perfection
That whispers through every note
Gracing me with your words
Sung like chimes
In the pouring rain.
You caught the drops in your mouth
And gargled the vows of fifty years
Taking me back to where we sat on the bench
Talking about the stars and the great full moon
The moon, large because of haze
Gone because of you
Bang bang
Ring out the guns
Stopping your heart in attempt to replace
What was lost
What changed?
The ideals of our youth were shattered
And you were cold
Were was our hope?
It was gone forever and my heart was beating quick
And my eyes were closing quick
I missed you
The train left at noon and you didn't seem upset
The sunset reflected no tears,
And I agree with you when you ask me
What will tomorrow be?
It will never be like today.
And the eyes of a child are corrupted by hate
Such as ours
And the tears in my eyes aren't really there
Just an illusion
Of what I know should be happening
And I'm frozen in place,
And ice sculpture of you
With ideas and dreams
And hopes and fears
All running away with the wind
To dance to your tune
And sing with your voice like chimes
Running away with the sun
Basking you in glory,
I in shadow.

I Never Notice Anything :: December 06, 2003 :: 4:33 pm ::

This room is cold and dark, it seems
I'm not alone with this book
My goddess are you gone?
It's not like I noticed you were there
That your eyes looked into me
That your hand was laid upon my shoulder
That your torn red shirt
Looked like blood and said "Tomorrow"
Your shoelace was untied and the hat was missing
Your favorite hat you'd let burn
Your hair was singed and you finally left
You were what was good and you were what was bad
You were what's left me with nothing but memories
And the plans of death were shattered because I had no will
You took away my monastery
Cleaved the dreams I had in two
One piece for you, the other mine
It's all I have left,
Incomplete
With the movements of the shadows
It's making me dizzy
And the ideas in my head are still spinning
So many ways I could have called you back
Starring blankly at the wall I can finally decide something
But my brain's ringing with nothing
And I can't decide what the meaning for eating is anymore
Your face in my window,
Your tears on my door.

Float On Sweet November :: December 06, 2003 :: 4:30 pm ::

Will you show me your face and your insides?
Pour out your innocence and grace me with your lungs
The air that you breathe could be sacred and loved
Bottle it and sell it; Another thing that deals with money
Saving your time to sacrifice yourself
To someone new
My my will you take my hand,
Lead me down those dark stairs
There's a party down in the underground
With confetti and streamers and a band of just two
Singing softly and sweetly
People waltz about the room
Singing "Hey la-de-da, hey la-de-de
Do you want another glass of tea? Or three?"

How do you know I'm the only one left
When the infants aren't yet born
And the weeds are springing out of the cracks in the sidewalk
Telling you it's time to float on
Go away, get out of hear, get gone!!
Leave this castle, milk carton for two
It's not that hard, step out the door
Into that raging sea
To carry you away and make ashes out of boulders
And swing low in white satin gowns
Dancing and singing
It's a party in your pants
Dance
I'm the one in the corner crying out her eyes
Because I'm sinking into the mud with all your lies
Your eyes are gray and green and blue
And I'm never going to see your face
The cardboard box is too dark inside
This case, this casket, my new home
And I can't even tell you my last words
Hearing isn't your thing
Leading men and children off the cliff
Diving into the new oblivion
New law, new order, grasp my hand
And I'll take you away.

Mr. Music Man :: November 26, 2003 :: 1:56 pm ::

Where are you hiding?
I can hear your singing clearly, loudly
And it's making me feel peaceful,
And it's making me wish to cry
I'm learning your lyrics, humming your tunes,
But I can't seem to find you at all
You left only your music behind
And in it, is all of you.
When I listen to your words,
All I hear is you.
All that is left is seeping into me
Into my skin that shivers when I hear
Your words and your songs
Echoing off the bathroom walls
Filling the house
And I cannot see you,
Just your words
And I cannot touch you,
But I feel you around me as loudly I sing
The words of yours I learned before
And I'm simply repeating genius
Attempting to understand
Why you went away from here,
Leaving only song.

Explosion :: November 25, 2003 :: 11:01 pm ::

Flying words pass by, ecstatic
It's like the night I was drowned in blood
Smeared with paint and golden sunlight
It was a revelation, a new beginning
And this feels like an explosion
A convulsion of something leading to the powder leading to the keg
The explosives lie in wait
Bring me your hungry, you're lonely,
And I'll cry for them
With laughter in my eyes
And hope in my heart
Making a fool of myself as I walk this tightrope
My god I'm going to fall
But instead of feeling fear,
All I can do is laugh
Because it's an explosion
Leading to an explosion
Light a match.

... :: November 9, 2003 :: 9:50 pm ::

I'm laying just outside the door,
Night has fallen with rain beginning to pour
Down my shirt and into my eyes
The time is passing gently enough that I can see,
The world performed in front of me.
The ice of a winter coming soon,
Is pooled before the satin seat of your throne
Frozen with ripples running deep,
Sweeping your minions off their feet
To fall and crack and break their bones.
It's always to you, bring you back home.
We miss you.

Saturday Mornings :: November 24, 2003 :: 9:58 pm ::

I can wake up,
Simply breathe
Take in objects of complete normality
Shrug them off with a glance
And cast myself back into shadow
Or discovery that maybe, just maybe
I don't have to be sad.
And my eyes are dry, and my eyes are clear
My cheek is smooth to the touch of my hand
It's as if it was all a dream,
And I awake to find I'm not wrought with endless pain
Step out of bed to the cold tile floor
I'm alive and I feel it with each step down the hall
My body says cold and my heart slowly agrees
It's not hardened by the thoughts of ice
And I pour some milk into my cereal,
My life is surreal in it's reality
And the simplicity has me confused
And I wonder how it all went
And why my words are quieter now
My thoughts more distant than time or space,
Farther than the farthest star,
Or closer than a whisper
The chimes ring outside my window
Cheerful morning sunshine,
I invite you in.
And I'm not smiling, but I was never crying
And this new peace is chill and awkward,
But I'm adjusting just fine
With words of silence to fill the noise
It's like it's just me, in this house, by myself
No one else exists
And that gives me peace
A piece of mind I've never kept for long
But it's what I feel every morning
When I'm not complaining
To drag myself out of bed.

*Sigh* :: 2003-11-23 :: 10:29 p.m. ::

I take your hand, drag you from this place
Anyplace is better than this place
With it's white washed walls, past party decor,
And a life-like haunting feeling.
Your stomach turns paler than the moon
In milky white glow I sing to your toes
Tasting the salt of your tears on my lips
I'm kissing away your tears, my dear,
And the stones in our stomachs easy away the pain
My back creaks like it's old
And I struggle to stand,
Take your hand in mine,
Place my cheek on your shoulder.
Your face is so warm, and yet your hands are freezing
My toes are icicles and I'm breaking them off
And feeding them to your dog.

Winter Thrill :: 2003-11-23 :: 1:48 p.m. ::

I have nothing to say
Do you know what I sense?
I sense and end
Of the world of my life
Of everything I ever considered normal
And in this life, I was in pain
And in this life, I couldn't hold you
Maybe all of it will change
And this winter will turn unto autumn
Skip the spring, pass the summer
And bring me back to the weather perfection
The colorful thrill
That skipped this year
With days like summer, trees like winter
And an unspoken chill through the house
I want what you have,
So I'll start this life again
Replace all my flaws
With acceptable problems
And excuse my stupidity
With books for the learning
But if I had never screwed up,
Would I have ever met you?

Cat Calls :: 2003-11-21 :: 3:21 p.m. ::

And are you happy now?
Your eyes are set in constant frown,
In constant motion you stay still
Still breathing in this toxic air
And do you know these words in my mouth?
Overflowing, spilling out.
I'm a complex stupidity of the finest arrangement
Sweeping up carpet stains with pieces of string
Once used to contain my heart
But what do you hear?
It's this solemn ringing of bells, of music
Echoing empty through the corridors of my lonely heart
Stumbling fumbling,
The cat's calling you out
Breathing out fire to melt your ice
Pools of water in the rain
What's the difference? It's all the same
In my eyes that are black and bleed with stone
Tears aren't penetrating this veil of content
You smother me in lies
And I know I'll live tomorrow.

Zum Zum :: 2003-11-21 :: 10:46 p.m. ::

In the roda I am free
And like an anvil I drop into your heart
Like a stone
And pass on by without a trace
My kicks like stone, never felt
For more than a moment
Like butterfly kisses
Butterfly kicks
And my eyes are for watching you,
My hands are for walking on,
And in my sight,
In my roda,
You are always dear to me
Family axe, live it breathe it
It's keeping my heart ticking
The steady beat of the berimbaus
Keeps you breathing.
Zum zum zum,
Capoeira mata um.

Miss Disapear :: 2003-11-11 :: 10:13 p.m. ::

I hear there once was Disappear.
She wanted to rule the world, in tight short shorts
Listening to no one, making all the rules
She held the world above her bosom
And the world was fine.
But winter came and froze her legs,
Shivering icicles, can't move an inch
The weight's growing stronger
I can feel a heart beat
And the world will crush you, Disappear
The struggle you put up,
May in fact be too much
And what you've never learned,
Was the way to deal with the world.
Let it all crush upon you,
Topple on top of you,
Squish you into the floor where there is time enough
To think about the life that you've left
And the joy that you've missed in years gone by
In an underground, emotional tomb
Where there's no weight,
Only chill air that fills your lungs with
A twisted sense of comfort and the feeling,
Oh the feeling! -Of being content.

Hosted by Dland. Image from britishpunk.com. :: There is nothing left, :: To do but sleep. ::